The Sacred Cycles of a Woman's Life | Moondance Reflection
Aug 04, 2021
As part of the Moondance tradition, each of the dancers are to offer a tobacco gift (or anything else you wish) to the hosts of the dance. Before beginning the dance on the first night, we line up and one by one walk up to our hosts and guide, Susana & Shimsai, offer our gift to the basket, and say a word if we wish.
I thanked them for opening up their home and land to us, and let them know I was touched to meet them. I had heard their name multiple times, as we had moved to the Santa Cruz Mountains, where they use to have a home and offer ceremonial work, prior to moving to Mount Shasta.
As I emerged from the gifting line and sat on the ground, a woman came up to me and shared, “I also live in the Santa Cruz Mountains!”
From the moment I met this woman, I was impressed with her presence. I could feel her medicine woman strongly. She felt grounded and uninterested in mindless chatter, which is an energy I very much enjoy.
We quickly dropped in around personal intentions and where we were at in our lives.
She shared that she had recently turned 40, and her 2.5 year old daughter had just stopped nursing leading up to this experience. She also had a 5 year old daughter.
For the last 6 or so years, she had been immersed in the experience of motherhood. She could feel that life was inviting her to return deeply to herself again. And yet, she had been completely transformed by the last 6 years and the experience of creating, birthing and mothering two little girls. She shared with me, with a tenderness in her voice, that she was asking herself the question: “Who am I now?”
I walked away from my new friend feeling touched by the essence of the conversation.
This question had also been knocking on the door of my heart the last couple months. A 7 year cycle had clearly completed in my life, and I was very strongly being invited to open to a new experience and expression of myself. Although I hadn’t consciously asked myself the question, life was indeed inviting me to let go of 'who I thought I was' to open up to 'who I am now.'
I realized through our conversation, that I had felt tidbits of unconscious shame around my experience. Shouldn’t I know myself already?! Am I really going through such a transformation process, again?!
I felt comforted by this recognition and the power of this question as truly a lifelong inquiry & discovery, that doesn't 'stop' at one particular moment in our becoming.
As I returned to my tent, I walked past a sweet elder woman sitting in a chair sowing the Moondance emblem onto her uniform. Her presence was so sweet and inviting, that I started up a conversation. "What inspired you to come here?" I asked. She shared many things in response. With the passing of her dog, and her child departing her house for good, she was asking herself the question: “What now? Who am I now?" Life had guided her to the Red Road to explore these questions within herself.
Here was a beautiful woman in her 60’s asking herself the same question.
I returned to my tent and laid down.
I started to feel the bigger cycle of a woman’s life land as complete and utter beauty in my unconscious and conscious mind.
I was struck at how deeply I was touched by this knowing.
Meeting these two beautiful women was such a synchronistic unfolding, and I felt touched by the support I felt from life - helping me to feel deep comfort, peace, and trust in the greater context of the lifelong journey of self-discovery.
I took a deep breath of hot Mount Shasta air and relaxed into a void-like space.
How comfortable can I become with not knowing in this life? How free can I be from any idea, or perceived notion, of who I am?
One last thing I want to share that felt so present in this experience:
I couldn’t have remembered this alone.
Grateful for the circle of sisters who have chosen to walk this path together at this time, and for the magic in the sacred mirroring.